Mess Food Saga

There is something about mess food that makes it beyond comparison to anything else of the edible variety I know. After five years of living in a hostel for my undergraduate and master’s degree, I thought I had undergone every kind of torture possible. But then I arrived at IIT Kanpur GH (girl’s hostel). Here the mess food was in a different league altogether.

I don’t know how they managed it but the roti (flat bread) would always be kaccha (uncooked) at the end and burnt in the middle. There would be a layer of oil, two inches thick, floating on top of the yellow dal (curry) that looked almost black. The rice would be half cooked and every damn vegetable would have aloo (potatoes) in it. The only salvation was curd, and omelet or butter that were ‘extras.’ How many times I managed with curd rice (no, I am not a South Indian, and curd rice is not my religion, unlike H) or omelet and roti. When all else failed, I would eat Maggi noodles in the Hall 3 canteen along with my friends. Later it almost became my staple diet.

One afternoon after finding the food quite unbearable I requested our cook, Rji to make an omelet for me. I almost always managed to get hot rotis courtesy R1ji, a member of the serving staff. You see, talking politely to mess people (or for that matter anyone) pays dividends in unexpected places. So to make my meal complete all I needed was that double omelet.

I did not have to wait long, within a few minutes the object of my desire arrived. I took a first small bite from one corner and it was bliss. I was about to take a second and bigger bite but my attention was caught by an unusually long piece of onion. I hesitated, and for a while I thought it was not an onion but something else altogether. But then my mind balked at such a possibility. I tried to dismiss the nagging doubt about the onion. I willed myself to take a second bite. By then, the doubt took further hold of my mind and I braced myself to take a closer look at the object of my attention. On second inspection, I identified it correctly and I of all people, was rendered speechless. I just walked to the food counter, called Rji and told him there was a baby chipkali (lizard) in my omelet in a very quiet voice and walked off.

I need not add that this incident put me off food for many, many days. Poor Rji came running after me and apologized profusely. He pleaded with me to come back and take food. I had to convince him that I was not angry with him but I just had no appetite left. I do not know how I did not ended up with food poisoning. And after this entire episode one person told me, “It is better to have a full lizard in an omelet you nibbled at, rather than having only half of it there.” Yuck, yuck, yuck is all I can say.